His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I faked an abortion last night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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