You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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