something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize