I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
