Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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