Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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