you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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