this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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