if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
