Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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