i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
