Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
PANTIES FOUND
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