you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
