Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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