she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We are two peas in an std pod
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
