He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
