we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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