Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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