Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
