Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ugly people sure do ruin things
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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