DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
