Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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