You really coming over, don't trick.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am one with the molecules
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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