He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
