I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
