we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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