That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
