you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
