I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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