I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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