I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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