I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
