I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
