Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She announced her abortion via fbk
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
