drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
