Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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