I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
