He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
