i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
