It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
