I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
