there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
