U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
