I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
