I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
