I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
