It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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