the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
