I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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