Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
