I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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