guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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