i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I want is dick and wine.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
