I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
