i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
