If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
