he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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