I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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