dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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