Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
