im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
