can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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