Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
