everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
