I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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