glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
