That's when you crack a 10am beer
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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