the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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