its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
