all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My ass is underappreciated
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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