im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh god it's open bar.
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