I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
