dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize