I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
