Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
