Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize